How to avoid head hopping in your novel

This blog post explains basic and more advanced issues linked to head hopping in fiction writing. It explains what head hopping is, and how it is particularly problematic in immersive points of view, such as first person and close third. And it explains why traditional publishers sometimes ignore head hopping in a novel.

Head hopping is a big problem for many new writers and a bit of a problem for experienced ones. But don’t worry – with a little bit of practice and craft knowledge, you can avoid head hopping or choose to include head hops carefully to achieve a certain effect.

What is head hopping?

Head hopping is when the narration jumps from one character to another in a jerky way that gives the reader whiplash! If it's done carefully, with intention, then these jumps are not a problem.

It's particularly problematic in immersive points of view because if we're experiencing the story world from inside a character's perspective and body, then these jumps pull the reader out of the story. Head hopping can also be a problem with omniscient points of view. This is a more advanced topic, so scroll down to learn more about that.

Sticking with immersive, limited points of view, let's dive in with an invented fantasy example written in close third person:

Jamie entered the queen's ballroom, nervous excitement flooding his veins, and glanced at Ashley, who was wearing the platinum ring he had bought him. Ashley followed Jamie to the feasting table, and as Jamie delicately grasped the butter knife, nostalgia and excitement washed over Ashley. Ashley's presence unnerved Jamie; he didn't know how to respond to Ashley's clear advances.

Confused by the bad writing here? I know I am! It's not clear who the focus is on. The paragraph starts with a focus on Jamie and then flits between Jamie's and Ashley's thoughts and feelings.

New writers often include lots of jumps like this because this is how we narrate everyday events that happen to us. For example:

I went to the shops today and saw Chris, who thought I should make up with Saad and stop all this petty fighting, but then I bumped into Lia, who thought I should hold my ground and wait before making any big decisions.

These kinds of jumps happen the most in third-person multi-POV novels, but they can happen in first person novels too. In a first-person POV, the writer usually has such a handle on the viewpoint character that they are unlikely to jump into someone else's perspective – but it does happen!

Why avoid head hopping?

A benefit of head hopping is that it is quick and easy to write when drafting. We can instantly get an intimate sense of what each person is thinking. But the negatives massively outweigh the positives. For example, all that jumping around:

1. can confuse the reader

2. can be jerky

3. can break reader immersion

4. can make it difficult for readers to get to know the viewpoint character(s)

In general, Western readers are more impatient these days as they are used to consuming a lot of short-form content online, and they often want or expect deep immersion in a world, story and perspective.

Now, a reader won’t tell you, "I hate this novel because of the head hopping." Instead, you are likely to hear that the novel left them feeling dissatisfied, or that they couldn’t relate to the characters.

Head hopping can manifest itself as MAJOR issues with POV in a novel (oftentimes with new writers), or as a kind of subtle but irritating slip (not uncommon with more experienced writers).

Major issues with head hopping usually result from the author not having worked to maintain POV across a scene, chapter, or novel (switching POV mid-scene is not a good idea). Some authors find it very difficult to spot because they are so close to the text. But major head hopping is a serious issue that would almost certainly lead to an instant rejection if querying your manuscript with literary agents. This is why it is important to understand and resolve. And if you opt to self-publish, you don’t want to leave readers feeling dissatisfied.

How to avoid head hopping in first or third person limited

In third person limited, you have one or more viewpoint characters across the novel. And the reader should not be able to access the thoughts and feelings on non-viewpoint characters.

To avoid head hopping, or fix any head hops, you will need to rewrite sentences to maintain a consistent viewpoint. In many places, this is a relatively easy tweak to make.

Most head hopping in third person limited can be resolved through:

1) Describing behaviours instead of reporting thoughts and feelings

2) Letting the viewpoint character make intuitive guesses about what the others are thinking and feeling

3) Rephrasing sentences using words like ‘seemed’ or ‘appeared’ (use this one with caution as it can reduce the impact of your words)

Let's return to the example from the start. Here's a possible rewrite to avoid head hopping. I can't promise you it will make this text great, but it's a sure improvement!

Jamie entered the queen's ballroom, full of nervous excitement, and glanced at Ashley, who was wearing the platinum ring he had bought him. Ashley followed Jamie to the feasting table, and as Jamie delicately grasped the butter knife, Ashley's face seemed to melt into an awestruck, excited expression. Ashley's presence unnerved Jamie; he didn't know how to respond to Ashley's clear advances.

Head hopping in an omniscient POV

In an omniscient POV, the omniscient (external) narrator has a licence to jump into lots of people's perspectives, conveying their thoughts and feelings directly. Indeed, this was commonplace in nineteenth-century novels. Here's an example from Jane Austen's novel Persuasion, for example:

There can be no doubt that Lady Russell and Anne were both occasionally thinking of Captain Benwick, from this time. Lady Russell could not hear the door-bell without feeling that it might be his herald; nor could Anne return from any stroll of solitary indulgence in her father's grounds, or any visit of charity in the village, without wondering whether she might see him or hear of him. Captain Benwick came not, however. He was either less disposed for it than Charles had imagined, or he was too shy; and after giving him a week's indulgence, Lady Russell determined him to be unworthy of the interest which he had been beginning to excite.

This is all well and good, but conventions in literature have shifted since the nineteenth century. Readers of commercial (genre) fiction in particular favor immersive points of view, and the more immersive the point of view, the more the head hopping stands out.

This preference for immersive points of view has shaped how omniscience is handled in novels. In twenty-first century novels written in omniscient, a good strategy is to have one focus character per paragraph, as the dominance of immersive (first and close third) POVs has come to shape readers' expectations of novels written in other POVs, as Jennifer Lawler argues in her advanced course on POV. If you chop and change like Jane Austen, this can come across as head hopping – unless you're an experienced author with a talent and flair for omniscient POVs, it's a strategy best avoided.

Why does head hopping happen in published novels?

Once you develop a radar for head hopping, you'll start to see it everywhere, including in traditionally published novels! There are several reasons for this:

1) Very immersive POVs have only been in fashion over the past thirty years or so, and so many older novels include head hopping.

2) If the writer is doing many things well, then the occasional minor head hop may well go unnoticed.

3) Literary fiction in particular often has a more "told" rather than "shown" narrative form, and so it can handle more head hopping than, say, a romance or fantasy novel written in close third person or first person. This, combined with point (2) is why famous novels such as Shuggie Bain have head

hops left in.

4) Occasionally writers use head hops deliberately to achieve a particular effect. For example, in a supernatural thriller, the writer might include a brief head hop to an evil ghost's point of view for a sentence or two to scare or unnerve the reader.

Have you found head hopping a tricky problem to resolve in your own writing? Do you notice it in published novels you read? Let me know in the comments below!